It all comes out as gibberish. I have a clear mind today and can make words form sentences.
Why am I so hurt by my sister's pregnancy?
My sister is the only person in my family that I have told about our fertility treatments. In November, I stopped updating her on my treatments because it was all getting back to my mom. I have felt very isolated and even more so now.
I was told of her last pregnancy days before my first mother's day. Of course neither her or my mom realized that until yesterday. It couldn't have been more poorly timed. The week after breaking the news, she went for her first dr appointment. She was already half way through her pregnancy and had never stepped foot in an ob's office. Because the ob had no history to compare her trends, she was monitored closely. She did develop preeclampsia in that pregnancy. Here it is again and she still hasn't seen an OB.
Just like last time, she is far enough along that my mom guessed she was pregnant. Just like last time, she still hadn't told the father. At least she is married this time.
No health insurance, not until May 1. Is that why she hadn't gone to the dr??? Is that why she wasn't taking birth control? This wasn't a planned pregnancy. Lots of people don't have insurance, they still find a way to take care of things.
She isn't responsible enough to think past herself and think of the health of her child. Why on earth would she get pregnant again? Oh wait, it's because she isn't responsible.
I really don't know what to say to her. I was so supportive of her last pregnancy and it killed me. It was only months after we lost Cooper. I can't support her stupidity. I really am struggling with this.
Remind me again, why she can have such a lax attitude towards pregnancy and I would die to be pregnant again? I did our taxes a few weeks ago. We spent close to $4,000 out of pocket on dr visits and meds last year. All trying to get pregnant.
I feel once again like I have been kicked in the teeth. Like I can't be happy. I was really looking forward to this next round of treatments. I feel like the surgery is going to make a difference. Now, I just don't know. I feel really numb, but at the same time just want it to be my turn.