Wednesday, November 20, 2013

What was I thinking?

It is one of those nights where I am so tired that I can't function.  Of course I decided it was time to write a blog!  Hope this makes an inkling of sense.

Today I am 2 days past embryo transfer (2dp5dt).  Yep, we retrieved 12 eggs last Wednesday and transferred two embryos on Monday (pic below). We changed up the protocol this cycle to Lupron based and it worked amazingly.  The goal initially was to overstimulate, freeze and transfer later.  But I was right on the money so we transferred this cycle.  Which in my mind I had that we wouldn't transfer until January or February, so this is a plus.  The lab also called me today and told me of the 8 embryos that were left, they were able to freeze 5.

Technically, I am pregnant until proven otherwise.  Technically, I am freaking the fuck out.  I know it's just the lack of sleep (woke up at 4:45 this morning for no good reason) that is causing this panic attack.  You know when you get told not to do something and you do it anyway?  Yep, stress free and calm environment self destructed.  I was lying in bed, begging myself to go to sleep.  Watching a lame show on netflix. Nope.  Putting lavender eye mask on with my kick ass spa music pandora station (See Peter Kater).  Nope.  Mind is whirling away.  So I decided to put my thoughts out there. Maybe this will work!

Further good news is that I am off all of next week, so I just need to make it through two more days and too many projects at work that need to ship before then. Bad news, I have a ton of projects due by the end of the week that are dragging and I am going to have to raise hell tomorrow to get them done.  Printing?  We don't need no stinking printing!

I go in Wednesday next week for my first beta.  Then get to drive to my aunt's for Thanksgiving where I have to figure out how to fake that I am not drinking.  What are your suggestions???  It makes me nervous.  I am also nervous that they will call me with the first beta results on Wednesday and I will either be glowing and family will figure it out. Or I will be a basket case and family will figure it out.  TOO MUCH PRESSURE.

Let's see what else am I freaking out about?  The fact that all these hormones have given me the worst hot flashes.  The anxiety has raised my BP.  Working from home. The dessert auction this week at the Elks Lodge.  Hiding that I am not supposed to be lifting more than 5 lbs for the next two weeks.  Hiding that I've got creams, pills and patches that will have to travel with me next week.  Sick and tired of lying to people too!

I just need someone to tell me to chill out and it will all be fine.  That trying to get pregnant wasn't a huge mistake that will end like it did before.  That we will finally have something positive to look forward to in December.  That printing isn't the end of the world.  That. Everything. Will. Be. FINE!  I'm not asking too much, am I?

1 comment:

Rubbie G said...

Be gentle to yourself, but your reactions or thoughts are normal. Praying for you the family that it all works out... No of course that's not too much to ask!

For the not drinking - maybe mention you are on a medication/antibiotic only if someone asks. Or that you're driving back.

Good luck and hoping on good numbers Wed!