9 weeks and 3 days

Sorry I haven't update in the past couple of weeks!  I have been fighting around the clock nausea that has kept me from sleeping and generally feeling like crap. So I didn't want to be total whiner!

We had our first ob appt a week ago and she is very positive. We have a plan in place and I feel very confident. As soon as my BP starts to rise, I will be ok meds which I am ok with.  She also wrote me some Zofran which has helped so much.  I made it a week without vomiting but the streak ended yesterday.   I also did a baseline 24 hr urine this week to get a starting point.  At the end of the appt she handed me her cell phone number and that added another layer of assurance.

Next week I will be traveling to Minneapolis for the annual Saving Grace event. It is our girls weekend where all our preeclampsia sisters get to see each other again. It is where the start of some great friendships have begun and I look forward to seeing everyone.  We are a little like a soriety in that aspect.

Still haven't told my mom...we will see how long this goes.

7 weeks

7 weeks today! 

I think today shaved 5 years off my life. I woke up the morning and got started with  my normal routine.  Then I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. Not spotting, bleeding.  I called the re office and they put me to the nurses voicemail.  Then I called dh and barely held it together.  He told me just to get in the  car and head to the dr office and he would meet me there since its an hour from our house.  On the way there all that is going through my head is this is another  miscarriag.  How many eggs do I have left frozen? When can we try again?  I was convinced.

I called again when I was about  minutes away and they said they would work me in  for a sono.  I am prepared for the worst and dh is telling me how we will get through it whatever happens.  Dr. H comes in and starts the sono immediately pointing out a heartbeat. Wait.. a what?  Yep, a heart beat at 142. He said everything looked good and he didn't see any clots.  So I took off the rest of the day and laid in the  recliner.  We still have an appt on  Monday.

This past week I made my first ob appointment.  I had to get a little pushy with the girl at the front desk because their policy is for the first ob appointment to be with a midwife.  I was adamant and got my way.  So next week we have a sono on Monday and an ob appointment on Friday.

Still exhausted and morning sickness this time is totally different.   Last time it was morning, noon and night sickness where I was vomiting around the clock until 6 months.  This time, I have not thrown up but have had to force myself to eat. Everything seems disgusting.  It is like a smell gets stuck in my nose and I can't get rid of it.  Preggy pops and ginger snaps have been  my best friend.

My poor husband is trying, bless his heart.  Yesterday he made me scrambled eggs.  I ran out of the kitchen from the smell and ended up feeding them too the dog.

Still haven't told my mom...

6 weeks and counting!

Still preggo! Still going!

We had our first sonogram on Monday at 5w5d to see how many buns are in the oven.  Only one - whew!!
DH was disappointed because he wanted twins.  Having twins would be cool, but a twin pregnancy terrifies me.   

I go back in 2 weeks for another sono where we will get to see the heart beat.

How many of you that have had losses in your past and THEN dealt with infertility had anxiety about telling people?  I have this monster anxiety about telling my mom.  Mostly because she is nosy, has not regards to my privacy, can't keep a story straight and has a blabber mouth.  I have anxiety about keeping it from her, but I know if I told her now then I would have anxiety about her running her mouth all over town.  We live in a small town with only about 5,000.  The last thing I want right now is to end up on her church's prayer list AKA gossip express.

Still not sure what to do on that front...  Guess we shall see what happens!

I am...

... in shock.
... scared to say the words out loud.
... pregnant!

On July 21, we did a frozen embryo transfer with these two 5 day blasts.

About a week after the transfer, I just had this feeling that it worked.  I couldn't bring myself to say the words "I am pregnant" out loud.  While lying in bed one night, I told DH "I think it worked."  The pure and utter exhaustion.  Needing to take several hour naps every day.  Even after getting 10+ hours of sleep.  

Last Thursday, I went for my first beta.  After 26 hours of agony waiting for a call and a very bitchy me, the clinic finally called with positive result.

I cried.
I laughed.
I paced.
I prayed.

The next morning, I went back for my second beta on a Saturday.  After the long wait for the first results, I was ready for another lengthy wait.  Monday evening, after a very long work day while getting lectured by my boss, I had another call coming through.  The clinic. After hours.  CRAP!  I couldn't get to it fast enough and they didn't leave a message.  My evening was ruined.

I worried.
I chewed my nails.
I paced.
I prayed.

Why would they call after hours and leave no message?  The last time I got a call from the clinic after hours was when the Dr called me to discussed the failed IVF cycle.  The next morning, I called the clinic at 8:05am.  Guess what?!?!  My numbers went up!  No bad news and I worried about nothing.

I have my first sonogram scheduled for this coming Monday.  If the internet calculators are correct, that would make me 5 weeks officially today!

Managing not to freak out too much and keep a positive outlook.

We have not told our family yet and not sure when we will.  We haven't discussed that far ahead yet. Just taking it day by day right now and keeping it quiet.

I am grateful.
I am still scared to say the words.
I am pregnant!
I trust you to keep a secret!

Finding Balance

I have had the pleasure of meeting some pretty incredible women through the Preeclampsia Foundation. This powerful woman I met through work.  She actually used to be a customer, an assistant manager at a big corporate powerhouse.  About a year ago, she left her position for a new company.  Man do I miss her!

In that time since leaving, she has started her own blog to chronicle her journey to betterment - Zen Wednesday.  Finding the balance between life and work and everything in between.  I treasure getting her newest installments delivered to my inbox every Wednesday.  They have prompted many discussions with people in several different circles of my life.  I talk about her blog all the time!

In a world bogged down with negativity and stress, her Friday posts "Favorite Fridays" have brought a smile to my face and make me pause to reflect.  Like in the book, "Slammed" by Colleen Hoover, it reminds me of the sweet and suck of the day.  I have even started the sweet and suck with one of my friends.  When the day seems to have run off the rails, I will say, "What is your sweet for the day?  Find something positive!"

So what is your sweet today?  What is your suck?  Go check out a new blog and reflect.

Forward Progress!

Today, I had my baseline sonogram for a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  This whole cycle just seems alot less.  Less appointments, less shots, less blood draws, less stress and less money.

Honestly, it feels weird not driving in three times a week for blood draws and sonograms.  Not that I am complaining. Is it amazing to believe that I don't have to go back for 2 whole weeks?!?!  When I go back, we are checking the progress of the thickness of the lining.  If it looks good, then we will do the schedule 6 days later.

So for now, it's estrogen patches and pills for two weeks.  I go back on July 7th for a progress check!

Ready to Start Again

Hmm... where have I been so far in 2014?!?!

January - Started off the year with the flu.  Oh yes, Merry Christmas to me!  After I recovered from that, the plan was in place.  With determination, I started working on loosing the 25lbs I had gained during the last six months of 2013 while doing fertility treatments.  My goal was to have this off by March 1.  Laser like focus!

February - Kept on loosing weight and had a business trip to LA the last weekend of the month that I knew was going to set me back several pounds.

March - Happy Birth-Month to ME!!!  My splurging with my trip to LA continued and then extended all through March.  Surprisingly, I ended March only 3 lbs shy of my goal. Plus, I completed part of my New Year's resolution to just say "NO".  NO, I will not be president any more of the Lady Elks.  Look at me - Not in charge!

April - My coworker got married and was out for 2 weeks.  The stress and sheer amount of work I had to cover dropped those last 3 lbs.

May - Preeclampsia Awareness Month and full out month of craziness.  But oh so worth it!  The Oklahoma City walk was amazing and pulled out with a strong finish.  Then up was the Dallas Promise Walk.  I really can't put into words how amazing the walk was the year.  We surpassed any and all expectations that I have ever had.  Our goal was $15,000 and right now we are almost at $24,000.  We will meet it before all is said and done.  So close!!! Pics below are from the OKC walk.  My butterfly didn't want to fly away and I got to hang out with old friends.

The end of May is near so of course I have to start a new adventure!  Today, I made an FET consult appointment with my RE for Monday.  Somehow, I have managed to keep the weight off.  Even when I was sure that it had to be creeping back on, it hasn't.

Excited. Scared.  Afraid to hope.  We shall see what this next step brings!