9 weeks and 3 days

Sorry I haven't update in the past couple of weeks!  I have been fighting around the clock nausea that has kept me from sleeping and generally feeling like crap. So I didn't want to be total whiner!

We had our first ob appt a week ago and she is very positive. We have a plan in place and I feel very confident. As soon as my BP starts to rise, I will be ok meds which I am ok with.  She also wrote me some Zofran which has helped so much.  I made it a week without vomiting but the streak ended yesterday.   I also did a baseline 24 hr urine this week to get a starting point.  At the end of the appt she handed me her cell phone number and that added another layer of assurance.

Next week I will be traveling to Minneapolis for the annual Saving Grace event. It is our girls weekend where all our preeclampsia sisters get to see each other again. It is where the start of some great friendships have begun and I look forward to seeing everyone.  We are a little like a soriety in that aspect.

Still haven't told my mom...we will see how long this goes.

7 weeks

7 weeks today! 

I think today shaved 5 years off my life. I woke up the morning and got started with  my normal routine.  Then I went to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding. Not spotting, bleeding.  I called the re office and they put me to the nurses voicemail.  Then I called dh and barely held it together.  He told me just to get in the  car and head to the dr office and he would meet me there since its an hour from our house.  On the way there all that is going through my head is this is another  miscarriag.  How many eggs do I have left frozen? When can we try again?  I was convinced.

I called again when I was about  minutes away and they said they would work me in  for a sono.  I am prepared for the worst and dh is telling me how we will get through it whatever happens.  Dr. H comes in and starts the sono immediately pointing out a heartbeat. Wait.. a what?  Yep, a heart beat at 142. He said everything looked good and he didn't see any clots.  So I took off the rest of the day and laid in the  recliner.  We still have an appt on  Monday.

This past week I made my first ob appointment.  I had to get a little pushy with the girl at the front desk because their policy is for the first ob appointment to be with a midwife.  I was adamant and got my way.  So next week we have a sono on Monday and an ob appointment on Friday.

Still exhausted and morning sickness this time is totally different.   Last time it was morning, noon and night sickness where I was vomiting around the clock until 6 months.  This time, I have not thrown up but have had to force myself to eat. Everything seems disgusting.  It is like a smell gets stuck in my nose and I can't get rid of it.  Preggy pops and ginger snaps have been  my best friend.

My poor husband is trying, bless his heart.  Yesterday he made me scrambled eggs.  I ran out of the kitchen from the smell and ended up feeding them too the dog.

Still haven't told my mom...

6 weeks and counting!

Still preggo! Still going!

We had our first sonogram on Monday at 5w5d to see how many buns are in the oven.  Only one - whew!!
DH was disappointed because he wanted twins.  Having twins would be cool, but a twin pregnancy terrifies me.   

I go back in 2 weeks for another sono where we will get to see the heart beat.

How many of you that have had losses in your past and THEN dealt with infertility had anxiety about telling people?  I have this monster anxiety about telling my mom.  Mostly because she is nosy, has not regards to my privacy, can't keep a story straight and has a blabber mouth.  I have anxiety about keeping it from her, but I know if I told her now then I would have anxiety about her running her mouth all over town.  We live in a small town with only about 5,000.  The last thing I want right now is to end up on her church's prayer list AKA gossip express.

Still not sure what to do on that front...  Guess we shall see what happens!

I am...

... in shock.
... scared to say the words out loud.
... pregnant!

On July 21, we did a frozen embryo transfer with these two 5 day blasts.

About a week after the transfer, I just had this feeling that it worked.  I couldn't bring myself to say the words "I am pregnant" out loud.  While lying in bed one night, I told DH "I think it worked."  The pure and utter exhaustion.  Needing to take several hour naps every day.  Even after getting 10+ hours of sleep.  

Last Thursday, I went for my first beta.  After 26 hours of agony waiting for a call and a very bitchy me, the clinic finally called with positive result.

I cried.
I laughed.
I paced.
I prayed.

The next morning, I went back for my second beta on a Saturday.  After the long wait for the first results, I was ready for another lengthy wait.  Monday evening, after a very long work day while getting lectured by my boss, I had another call coming through.  The clinic. After hours.  CRAP!  I couldn't get to it fast enough and they didn't leave a message.  My evening was ruined.

I worried.
I chewed my nails.
I paced.
I prayed.

Why would they call after hours and leave no message?  The last time I got a call from the clinic after hours was when the Dr called me to discussed the failed IVF cycle.  The next morning, I called the clinic at 8:05am.  Guess what?!?!  My numbers went up!  No bad news and I worried about nothing.

I have my first sonogram scheduled for this coming Monday.  If the internet calculators are correct, that would make me 5 weeks officially today!

Managing not to freak out too much and keep a positive outlook.

We have not told our family yet and not sure when we will.  We haven't discussed that far ahead yet. Just taking it day by day right now and keeping it quiet.

I am grateful.
I am still scared to say the words.
I am pregnant!
I trust you to keep a secret!