I give up

I had a wonderful post after the IUI, but blogger ate it. I never rewrote it.

Still not pregnant. I'm tired of this crap. I'm tired of the dissapointment, tired of the body ragaved by hormones, the don't even think about touching my boobs, the mood swings, the hope and the let down, the weight i can't get rid of thanks to the contant barage of hormones. I'm tired.

I think I'm going to buy a new dog.

Happy 3rd Birthday Cooper

It has been 3 long years since you left us. I can't express in words today how much you meant to me and how I miss you.

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

I am officially inseminated

I saw Dr. L today for the first time in forever. He said that T "did brillent" this morning. He had over 22 Million swimmers and they were top rate. Dr. L said I owe T a nice big dinner tonight since he is worth about 4 other men.

The IUI went well and he wrote progesterone suppositories to start next week. So I'm a happy girl!

IUI Tomorrow

I had my date with Dr. H and the dildo cam today. FINALLY my right ovary is producing an egg. Almost 27mm. Lining was close to 10mm. We couldn't even see my left ovary because it was so far behind my uterus. Stupid ovary!

Dr. H: "Intercourse, insimination or both?"
Me: "What do you think about insimination?"
Dr. H: "I say that you guys have been trying for almost 2 years. Let's go agressive. It's time to really step it up."
Me: "Let's do it."

So tomorrow T has to make his deposit at 8am and I have to be there at 10. Dr. H also mentioned the most uncomfortable thing is the speculm and it is nothing compared to the HSG. Like he would know!

I had a nice relaxing dinner tonight with another angel momma and I'm not going into work until after the dr tomorrow. So I can sleep in a little and be relaxed. Really though, I am so damn excited. Finally the right side!!! It all seems to be in place.

The Woeful Tale of the Pregnancy Tests

I'm not a rookie at peeing on sticks. Pregnancy tests are pretty much a no brainer, right. Uh, no. These new fangled digital ones are NOT easy to use. They are a pain in the ass.

Today at morning break, I ran to CVS to get tests. The digital ones were 50 cents more, so hey why not. On the way back to the office, I rip open the box and stuff one in my pocket. Try to nonchalantly walk/run to the handicap stall in the bathroom. Pee on the stick. Sit. Sit some more. I'm sure people think I am taking a crap since I am in the handicap stall sitting silently. Sit some more. Isn't this damn thing suppose to say "pregnant" or "not pregnant". All I see is a line. Must be broken. My patience is up. I sneak the contraband back to my desk and put it in my drawer. Maybe I didn't let it simmer long enough. Hmph!

By 11 O'Clock, it's killing me. Something must really be wrong with this test. I sneak back to my car and put out the instructions. At this point I really feel like a man. How many times have I done this and now I am hiding in my car reading the instructions. "Oh.... there is a second piece that I have to slide the stick into." Kinda reminds me of my Clear Never-Worked-Waste-Of-My-Money Easy.

It came with a spare stick (should have been my first clue). I stuff both of these in my pocket and head back to the handicap stall. Click the new stick into the reader thingamajig. Pee on it. Sit there. Tap my foot. Sit some more. Damn it, someone came in. I recognize those shoes. She was in here earlier. I'm going to have to fake a stomach bug or something. Sneak the weapon of mass distraction back to my desk drawer. The damn thing won't stay right side up. I can't just slide open my drawer and see if it's done. Oh, no. It HAS to be more difficult than it already is.

I got distracted with a few phone calls. When I finally look back, I got a freaking error message. You have got to be kidding me???!!! How hard can it be to do a pregnancy test. That's it. At lunch, I'm went to Dollar Tree and got the cheap ass kind like you have to pee in a cup for. Ha! I'll show you stupid test. Try to out smart me now!

Save my pee for all afternoon so I can take the test when I get home. Sit in traffic for an hour while dancing. Get home with my brand new no brainer test. Get my cup and get in the position. Wait a second.... DAMN YOU AUNT FLO!

Small update and my soapbox

Update:
Tested yesterday - negative. Still sore. Dizzy again today. I'm not testing again until Wednesday. When I was told to test in the first place.

Soapbox:
Petty people are getting on my last nerve. I guess I have been so absorbed in my volunteer work and helping people that have nothing this year. A poor poor guy at my work has a very sick wife. You name an auto-immune out there and she has it. In early September, the family all got the sinus crud. Everyone got well, but mom. Took her to the dr, she's got TB. Put her in the hospital, blood work is all crazy. Come to find out she's got Thyroid Cancer. She had 75% of her thyroid removed in April. They won't do surgery because they don't think she can take it. She just finished round 2 of chemo. Lost 37 pounds, all her hair, etc. He finally comes back to work after being gone for 10 weeks because he found out he isn't getting paid until Jan. They are a single income family with a 13 and 4 yr old. Mom can't take care of the little one any more and they have to put her in day care.

I found out today that there power got turned off this weekend. They went all weekend with no power. It isn't as cold here as up north, but it wasn't a warm weekend either.

What got on my nerves today??? My other co-worker whom I love to death. Her daughter is getting married in a month so I have been cutting her alot of slack. She spent all weekend mudding, painting and staining her dining room so that when people come over for the wedding it looks nice. A) Why in the hell was she mudding the room? She didn't like the texture. B) She is so broke it isn't funny. Seriously broke. Her power isn't getting turned off, but she just got a 2nd loan to finish paying for this wedding because the 1st one went to bills. Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.

Here's were the really cold hearted bitch comes out. My counter part's mom died this weekend. She was 95. Old people, really old. Let her go in peace. Pray that she doesn't suffer. Oh, no. My counter part asks people to pray for a miracle to cure her. I've met this woman and I swear I could see through her. That was 3 years ago.

When an old person is sick and has been sick for a long time, I don't want them to suffer any more. They have lived a good long life and in this instance she was going to a better place.

When someone dies that is young and has so much life let to live, that is tragic. The old person, isn't tragic. Rejoice! They are going home. My perspective, I have been around too much death at all ages lately.

Soapbox is put away for now.