Great appointment today

I have shown my goodies to three complete strangers in the past week. WEEK. Today I saw Dr. H instead of Dr.L because Dr. L was on vacation. Dr. H surprised me - he was very young. Kinda reminded me of George from Grey's.

Check the lining, good. Sorry Niki, I didn't ask the measurement.
Check the right ovary, follicle is only 14mm.
Go to check the left ovary (which is the one really high up and I swear Dr. L is going to make the dildo cam come out my nose looking for it). Dr. H was again surprised me and was very gentle. The dildo cam didn't even come close to my tonsils. He found my left ovary is the follicle on that side was 25mm. So I got the green light for my shot.

Go learn how to take my shot. The pharmacy f'd up my injection, so I have to get another script and hunt down the drug. "Oh the Target right across the street has it." That would have been nice to know last week.

Get the meds, drive to work. Half ass hide the box with my shot in it. Run to the bathroom to shoot up. I am officially a junky. Shooting up in the handicap stall at work.

The best part is that we don't have to have sex everynight for a week. Only 3 days. Thank the Lord!

Speaking of thanking the Lord... today when I left my RE's office, I was crying again. They were tears of joy. I have been so sure that I would never get pregnant again and now I see some light. I passed my HSG and now this. Maybe there will be an anniversary baby after all.

Passed my HSG

Very uncomfortable. I almost crawled off the table. But I passed and I never want to have to do that again.

CD13 Sono on Thursday this week.

Keep on praying!!!!

Not Today Devil

I'll admit it. I'm a backslider. The last time I was in church (not for a wedding or funeral) was almost 2 years ago. Before that, at least another year. I have however been listening to podcasts of a local church. If it's local, why haven't I gone? Very shameful to say, Tim will HATE this type of church. It's not his familiar Southern Baptist Country church. He needs to get over it.

Anyway, I've been listening to their podcasts and I LOVE LOVE LOVE this pastor. It's like he speaks right at me. Today (while at work) I am listening to Sunday's sermon. I was almost in tears. Everything he described fit me. The topic was spiritual warefare. Not something I ever took very seriously. Not after this sermon. He decribed his own battle with anxiety. Waking up in the middle of the night and thinking, "Where is my daughter? What time did she get home? (she's in college)" or "Does my wife still love me?" or "What if the stock market crashes and I lose my job?" Sound familiar? It did to me. He went on to say that when he let these thoughts and questions penetrate him it pulled him into a dark place. Then instead of what if, it became it will happen.

Last night I was explaining to Tim all that happened at my dr appt and how I feel. I sounded much the same. "I know I'm going to fail my HSG. Then this cycle is off. THen I'll have to have another damn surgery." What happened to my light? My peace? Most of all - my faith?

Honestly, I don't trust in God right now. I have a long list of bad things that have happened in my life. I am a wall builder. The more you hurt me, the bigger my wall gets. I have built a wall around my heart. In doing so, I have kept out the hurt, but also the faith, peace and hope.

I'm working on it. I can't do it alone. If you are a praying person, say an extra one for me. That I will trust in God and that He is in control.

Oh, here's a link to the podcast if you want to listen.



http://dnn.crosstimberschurch.org/Messages/tabid/107/Default.aspx

Hope

Ha, had you fooled there! That's how I felt today after my sono with my RE. Yes, the cyst is small enough to start treatment. BUT, BUT my left ovary is still MIA. He thinks that somewhere down the line, I will be in for a lapor.. something or other... to fix the damn thing.

I think he's pretty sure I will fail the HSG on Friday. I don't know it wasn't all that positive an appointment. He's rechecking my TSH again. It was in the normal range, but on the high end.

Here's the way I see things playing out in my head.
-Friday - HSG. Fail with drowning colors.
-Next Thursday - Sono. Don't see any follicles growing on the right side. Left side can't be seen. Cycle cancelled. Lap scheduled.

Sounds like fun? So much for having an anniversary baby. So much for being pregant by the end of the year.

This is NOT what I would call "full flow"

I took my last hormone pill in my BC pack on Sunday night. I figured I would start anywhere from Wednesday to Saturday. Yesterday afternoon, I'm worrking and I get that feeling. I've had alot of false alarms but this seemed like the real deal. YES!!!! AF!!!! I just caught her arrival. Didn't have to wear white panties either. Got my phone to call the clinic, they close at 2:00 on Fridays so I will have to wait until Saturday morning to call.

Come home. Hmmm... That isn't exactly "full flow". I've had cramps and moodiness and the chocolate monster on my back. I usually never spot. Either I'm still spotting or this is the lightest period I have ever had. And no I'm not pregnant so don't start thinking it's implantation spotting.

What the heck? What would you do?